Letting physical intimacy run wild and free typically means the emotional, spiritual, and personality attraction is lagging behind. Sex while dating can create many awful shades of gray, when what your relationship needs is some honest black and white.
One of the greatest causes for conflict in marriage are contradicting core values.
Too many marriages start (and end) with vague and un-identified core values. Or are you constantly trying to hide who you are because they want you to be someone you’re not?
Are you fitting and conforming to some abstract idea of what you think they want?
In marriage you begin to rub off on each other, subtly taking on traits and characteristics of the other.
Does this thought excite you or does it make you feel like you just digested a can of the before mentioned Play-Doh? And you need to have your own identity beyond your spouse. If you don’t want to become like the person you’re dating, should you be dating?
A spouse should be like a gold miner, going under the surface to uncover the invaluable stuff underneath.
Your petals might be beautiful, but if you don’t have any nectar then the bees are just going to fly away. It can prop up an intimacy that has no foundation to sustain it.
Thus my career path has been anything but straight-forward, which could drive any sane person crazy.
Thankfully, my wife has been very supportive because she knew this was the way I was wired from the beginning and it aligns with her core beliefs, as she enjoys change and pursuing things off the beaten path.
Or are you blossoming and flourishing into who you really are?
Do you feel fragmented when you’re with your partner or do you feel whole? Is your partner trying to force you to become like some figment of their unrealistic dating imagination?
As I wrote in “If your core values can’t dance together, then you’ll keep tripping, falling and wondering why you can’t move together in rhythm.” For example, you could have a high value for responsibility and the person you’re dating could have a high value for risk.